CaliBama

Moving from California to Alabama in Four Weeks

Announcing that we are moving across the country from California to Alabama has taken a lot of people by surprise. Not because we ARE moving, but because of how fast it is happening. I don’t think really anyone is surprised that we ARE moving. Some are saying they’ve know we were going to. But two weeks ago, we had no thought of moving and now, half of our stuff is sold or packed and we are only a few weeks from relocating our entire lives to the other side of the continent. 

There are a couple of comments we keep getting from people that I haven’t known how to respond to so I just kind of nod and let it pass. Nothing offensive, all well-meaning, but just not aligned with my thoughts on this process. Since I am better at writing than I am at talking, writing this out is a much better way to express myself. 

The first comment I have gotten more than a dozen times already is that this move is a good opportunity to “start over” or “start fresh”. It’s been said both ways and they both really mean the same when I hear them but they don’t resonate with me at all. I think when I hear “start over” or “start fresh”, it implies an erasure of what has been and a redo, as in, starting all over from new and getting a second chance to do life all over again.

This is so foreign to me. I understand people are looking at our tragic past 2 ½ years and seeing a life lived in grief, and this move, they are probably seeing as a chance to escape the grief and get to start over with a happier beginning. 

This is not at all what this move is, nor is it even possible that it could ever be that. You see, I lived a life. A GREAT life. With a GREAT man, we had four GREAT children together and made a life together. Now he’s gone, but we are STILL living the life that we created together; he is just absent from it. I am not looking for do-overs or second chances at life and remakes. I’m not even looking for sequels. I am looking forward to living a long life that is a continuation of the life we built together, not a new life separate from him, even though I am separated from him. Him dying did not erase him from everything that was built together.

Maybe some will hear this and think I am holding onto something I should let go of, or maybe they will think I’m in some sort of state of denial. But I assure you I am not. He is very much gone and short of when I join him and our Heavenly Father, I know that I will not see him again. There is no holding on or denial involved; I am simply content and happy with the life we built so much that I am fully moving forward IN it. 

Donny and I had always planned to move to Alabama even before he passed. Moving away isn’t an escape from the “hard things” here. Those hard things will follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives because no matter where we go or what we do, I still have a husband I planned a life with who is still absent. Moving away does not change that. It does not suddenly insert me into a new life without him. I am already in life without him, and I will be whether I stay or move, but the course projection that we were on before he died is still the one we are on today and will always be on, whether we recognized what it was before or not. That is because we lived and planned a life together that was focused, not on where we were located, but WHO we were and are. I am the person I am because of my husband. My children are who they are because of him. We will always be who we are because of him. So there is no FRESH START, and we don’t want a fresh start. A fresh start and starting over means erasing all that we have learned and become through the triumphs and the failures, and I would never want that. We are continuing forward on the same path the Lord has always had for us and continues to have for us, because we don’t need to go back to the beginning. He has brought us through so much and made us stronger and better because of it. 

So no, we are not moving for a “fresh start”. Moving is actually harder than staying because my parents and my little sister whom I am super close to, are still here. Donny’s entire family, whom I am also incredibly close to, is all still here. His grandma is my only living grandmother now. I am incredibly close to her, and she is going to be one of the hardest parts for me about leaving. I’m crying just typing this, thinking about leaving her. She has truly taken me in as her granddaughter. Not granddaughter-in-law, but actual granddaughter. I think she likes me even more than she liked Donny. (I’m totally kidding because he was a first grandbaby, so you can never compete with that) My parents have stepped in so much since Donny passed to help me keep things situated and take care of us when we need. My sister-in-law hugged me the other day, crying and saying that she feels like we are the last part of her brother she has left, and now we are moving away. That broke me because I had been afraid that that may be the way our move impacts his family. These are such hard things about moving, and why there is never a “start fresh” for us. 

The other comment I keep getting is more funny to me, although it should be more sad. I have gotten so many people telling me “congratulations on getting out of California”. It feels like everyone sees it as this lottery that gets won. It’s funny because I completely know and understand the comment and would probably say it (and probably have said it) to many others. But it is also not part of why we are moving. While there are obvious reasons why we, like anyone else, want to be out of California, we actually LOVE California. In a strange way, I have felt like a missionary here and have even told people, I will be the last person holding it together in California after all the rest leave but I will be here until God returns to California. Well, I will no longer physically be here since the Lord has other plans, but my heart will ALWAYS be in California. You will get a lecture from me if you badmouth California to me because while I do see the growing evils in my state, I also see the potential here. It’s interesting to me that in the Bible, nations reach their ultimate evil when God suddenly intervenes and I know that is coming for California. I can already see it. The outside world can’t see it but we California Christians and conservatives do. We live it. Like an underground church, we are holding strong and praying without ceasing because we know it’s coming. My heart actually feels saddened that I will NOT be here when it happens. All my California family can know that I will continue praying and fighting for California’s freedom from Satan’s grasp until the day God intervenes again! 

So no, we are not moving to “escape” California either. We are going to miss her beautiful weather and landscapes. We are going to miss her cultural diversity and the passionate and wonderful people here. I am even going to miss the 115 degree dry heat in my beautiful open-sky deserts. But I know that the Lord has a plan and purpose in everything He does and it is always good. That means He has a plan and a purpose for California that is good and He has a plana and a purpose for my family that is good and I can’t wait to see what it is! 

But I did want to let everyone know, we are moving for a job opportunity as well as my kids’s schooling. All four of my children have said for years that they are going to Alabama for college/life after high school. As the twins have only 2 years left of school, the timing of the job worked out just perfectly for them to qualify for in-state tuition breaks and scholarships by the time they should start college. There are many other factors that I can share in person but don’t want to share on here as well, but this is a decision that is not being made for the present time, but is being made for the future of our family. Not to forget the past, but to ensure the best for my children’s futures. Not because they have no future in California (California has a beautiful future coming, I know it!) but because God’s plans are just sometimes different than our own.